Revival

"Lord, do anything you want to do through me, so that You may do everything You want to do through me...."

That was the message in last week's campus revival.

Can I be honest with you guys for a moment. I am not ready to say this prayer yet to the Lord. Dan and I are beginning to pray about life after Clear Creek. Dan only has 3 semesters left after the current semester. Time is flying by. He may have one offer to stay at our current church in Jonesville Virginia. We are building a new building to hold many community events and make more room for our growing church. Which of course is totally exciting! Dan has so many ideas for this new building and I think it's going to be a great thing for the community of Jonesville.

I'm afraid the Lord will call us to stay in Jonesville after Clear Creek. Why is this bad you may ask? Because it's not what I want!! I miss home. I miss Shelbyville. I miss Louisville. I miss those communities! I miss the culture of home. The culture in this area is weird. The people can be different. (Although Dan has pointed out to me that we're actually the different ones since we're not from this area.) And... Jonesville is smaller than Pineville! It's even more so in the middle of no where!

I guess I just thought that we would only be in this area for 4 years, then we would move on. That God would call us out of this area. Maybe to seminary. Or maybe back home.

None of this has been confirmed. But I know Dan wouldn't mind to stay at the church.

I will admit. I am a spoiled brat who wants to always have her way! My current relationship with the Lord reminds me of the relationship that I had with my dad as a young girl. Being the youngest child and the only girl, I often got what I wanted. I would bat my eyes and smile and dad would say "ok, Nikki". I do the same with Dan as well. I KNOW I AM SPOILED! This is bad, I know. But at least I'm not afraid to admit it! I'm used to getting my way, and I guess I am looking to Him batting my eyes, smiling and saying PLEASE and He should say, OK! There are times I feel, "ok, Lord. I left everything, we'll be here for 4 years, now it's my turn to choose!"

Who am I to feel that way?!?! It's so selfish and sinful. I know I shouldn't view Him in that way and I need to repent and let go and fully surrender to Him. But it is so hard sometimes. I am praying that He will soften my heart, because I really do want to be obedient and do the whatever He calls us to.

Just being real with you guys. No need in painting some perfect picture of myself. This is what I am currently struggling with. Please pray for me!

Good thing we still have a little less than 2 years before life after Clear Creek begins!