May 10, 2010
Full of excitement and anxiousness, we walk into the ultra sound room to have the gender of our baby revealed. However, in a matter of moments, our world is turned completely upside-down. As the nurse steps out and returns with the doctor, Dan and I both realize that something isn't right. There is no heartbeat to be found, and our precious baby's brain has not developed properly. Our little baby is in the arms of Jesus.
I was 18 1/2 weeks, just beginning my fifth month. Almost reaching my half way point. Just four weeks ago, we heard the baby's heartbeat - good and strong. Why has this happened? What went wrong? The doctor says that it was nothing that we did, the brain just didn't develop.
Our hearts ache. We will never understand in this lifetime why this happened, but God is so great! He is carrying us through the tears and the pain, and He is bringing us hope in Him.
Monday afternoon, as we were picking Zachary up from school, our hearts broke for Zachary as he was so excited to hear if he was having a baby brother or a baby sister. On the way home from school, he must have asked us at least five times what we found out. When we got home, we had to teach our six year old son the hard lesson of death, and that his baby brother was home with Jesus. Zachary came to me, placed his hands on my stomach and just hugged me. I will never forget that short moment with my son.
Monday night I was admitted to the hospital to deliver our son. I was pretty scared, not really knowing what to expect. After inducing labor, I gave birth on Tuesday, May 11th at 12:50 p.m. Praise be to our God, and for His love and mercy. I never had any physical pain during the procedure. Sure, I had some discomfort from the contractions, but never did I have any agonizing pain. I was asleep when I felt the sensation for the baby to be delivered. Everything delivered together, all in my bags of water. Never did I need to push or struggle at all. I am so thankful that He made it physically easy on me.
Dan and I returned home on Tuesday to a wonderful meal on the stove from the Back Family. We have been overwhelmed by the love that we have received from our campus family. Every night, dinner has been brought to our door. Our family at home has also been so wonderful. Everything from Marquita, my mom, and Dan's parents coming to stay with us. Mom and Marquita cleaning our cottage for us, and doing everything they could to help. Dad, staying in Shelbyville, and taking care of all the funeral arrangements for us.
Thursday, May 13th was the funeral for our precious Thomas Spencer. He is buried at Beechridge Baptist - the church that Dan and I grew up in together. We found out that an anonymous giver, completely paid for all funeral expenses! Thank You Jesus! At one point during the funeral, Nicholas was sitting in my lap, and he saw that I was crying when he reached over, grabbed my face and gave me a big kiss on the cheek! My baby is so sweet! Nicholas always has a way of making us smile! He also came to us at one point wearing someone's hanker-chiff around his neck being superman! Yes, I know it's a bit gross, but it sure was cute!
After returning home Thursday night, we found out some amazing news from the prison that Dan preaches at. After another student shared our story with the inmates, one inmate repented and accepted Christ as his Savior! Praise be to God that He is already using the story of our Thomas to save lives!! With that, He has brought us peace and comfort beyond all understanding.
The pain still runs deep, the tears are still heavy, but I know God is good, and He is faithful. Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support as our family begins the healing process.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4
As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. ~ Psalm 18:30
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ~ Ecclesiates 3:1
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ~ Proverbs 3:5
